Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be…An orange monkey!


So with it being Ascot season and all, I will be making my debut Ascot appearance this Saturday (if I don’t drown in the rain first!) and I have a brilliant bright yellow dress for the occasion. Being such an English rose, (or at least that’s how I like to think of it) I decided it was not only advisable but totally essential to have a spray tan to make the yellow really work…so that’s what I did this evening.

This was my first spray tan and what an experience it was. It started with laughter as I dressed myself in nothing but a plastic shower cap and a paper-esque black thong. I could not take my reflection seriously and it was hard to believe my vanity had driven me to such an absurd look!

Then the tanning began, nice and easy until the point that the therapist stretched one arm and one leg forward and the other ones backward and asked me to do the same. Easier said than done. I realised then that I have even less control over my monkey proportioned limbs than I had previously known as she literally had to direct each limb into position…more laughter!

The tanning itself was quick and easy and then I was left to dry off and get dressed. Well what I sight I was! The tan had stuck to all of the fine hairs on my body meaning that my torso looked like that of a man, loads of dark hairs. I have never looked so unattractive in my life! I then proceeded to do a monkey dance in front of the mirror to celebrate, (the therapist had left the room by then) something tells me that I am not the usual sort of client they have, perhaps a bit too childish!!!

What I did realise after the experience though was the value of getting older. Not only did I go for my tan but I then traipsed over to Tesco to pick up dinner whilst wearing a mis-matched joggers and t-shirt combo borrowed from the bf (realised I owned no baggy clothes!). That is something I would never have done a few years ago for fear of being judged, equally the sight of my naked body used to be too scary for me, never mind for a beauty therapist. It appears that it really is true, you do start to accept yourself more as you get older – I had no qualms about stripping down for a tan!

Let’s just hope that my new found confidence has been put to good use and my tan comes out even and not too orange…fingers crossed!

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