Have you ever heard someone say, “Oh, (Joe)’s just not good on his own”? I’ve heard it a number of times and it usually relates to men but what does it really mean?
I’m sure you’re familiar with the context; it usually comes up when talking about relationships and someone that flits from one serious relationship to another, but that doesn’t actually explain what we mean when we say it. Typically we assume that it’s not healthy to behave in this sort of way and I’ve lost count of how often I’ve heard people talking about friends who leave one relationship and land straight in the next. We all need to “learn to love ourselves”, “be comfortable just being you” and “embrace the freedom of single life”, yet some people slip through the net.
Joe, (or Mr. Bloggs as you might know him) gets away with this behaviour because he has been deemed beyond help. Despite being an intelligent human being, Joe couldn’t possibly be expected to look after himself physically or emotionally and he needs someone by his side at all times to help him out. Is this what Joe says or is this what we say? Why isn’t Joe being told to buck up and love himself / love the freedom to get down and dirty with anyone he chooses? Is it because Joe told everyone else to sod off and let him be or is it because poor old Joe really is entirely helpless? Maybe his mum did too much for him when he was a kid, maybe he cries at Bambi which is clearly a sign of a man on the edge or maybe, just maybe we’re not comfortable with people who behave differently to us so we’ve created a box and shoved Joe into it.
This really is one of those questions that I don’t know the answer to. It might be that some people really are better when they have a companion. Maybe it’s the age-old introvert vs extrovert problem of the different personality types not understanding each other. Whatever it is, I’m not sure it should matter to anyone other than Joe and I damn well hope that nobody ever says about me that I’m not good on my own. x
It’s been a while since I really dipped my toe into the ocean that is dating and the main reason for that is simply that I’ve been busy with other things. Those other things have calmed down now though and I’ve reached the point where it would be nice to meet some hot, young men. I thought I’d pop out of my shell, meet some new guys and hopefully go on some fun dates; I haven’t even reached date stage and I’ve climbed back into my shell!
What has happened to the world!?! While I’ve been busy sorting out other areas of my life, it would seem that men have become more desperate, emotional and needy than ever. Obviously there’s the usual selection of bore-me-to-death chaps out there who I can barely sustain a 2 message conversation with…and they’re reassuringly constant. However there are also stacks and stacks of guys who want me to think about them every second of every day, message them constantly and fall in love with them before we’ve even met. WHERE HAVE THESE WEIRDOS COME FROM???
Take my latest example, this guy and I had messaged a few times and arranged a date for Friday. On Monday night he sent me a message which, to my mind, ended our conversation for the evening as it contained no questions, no obvious lead for further conversation and we’d been chatting a while. Midway through Tuesday I receive a message telling me I don’t say a lot. I replied, slightly confused and asked to what he was referring. I was told he had expected a reply last night or at least a “hello” this morning. From that point the conversation went roughly down the path of me saying that I was at work, didn’t have time to start a conversation and couldn’t see the point in saying something just for the heck of it. I was told I was arrogant, it’s clear why I’m single and I have no idea about basic human interaction. I’ve now blocked that needy weirdo from my WhatsApp because I got bored halfway through the argument which went round in circles.
The way I see it is, essentially, a guy I’ve never met expected me to message him in the morning just so he’d know I was thinking of him.
I wasn’t thinking of him.
I wouldn’t have thought of him until Thursday night when I realised I needed to wash something to wear on Friday night. I thought this was normal before a first date, I thought the crazy stalker-ville only kicked in once you’d had a chance to get to know someone well enough to miss them…apparently I thought wrong.
So between him and the snore-a-minute guys that I keep having the misfortune of finding, I’m pretty much done with that foray into the dating world. I’m not fussed whether I have a boyfriend or not, I just thought I might be missing out on some fun. It appears that is not the case so I’m backing up into my shell of singledom again and hoping that next time I pop out there will be some men who are bit more level-headed and at least meet me before they get obsessive and weird. The only sure thing here is that I’m now terrified that I’ve fallen into the pool of crazy undateables and I’ll never get out! x
These days it’s easy to find ourselves, as women, trying to take over what has been traditionally thought of as a man’s role. We’re super keen to prove ourselves in the workplace, we’re happy to open doors for ourselves, some women pump iron in the gym and we do all of that whilst holding on to the traditionally feminine things. By this I mean that we may be rushing around at work all day but we’re doing it in our brand new stilettos that we simply had to have in black and red; later we’ll spend 6 hours in the bath because our hair needs a mask and when we get into bed we’ll have to say no because it will ruin the fake tan we just applied.
So where do the men fit in?
To be honest I hadn’t really given this a second thought and was perfectly happy thinking of myself as a woman who really could have it all. (Whatever it is…) That was until the other day when I went for lunch with someone and as I was insisting I pay, he uttered some rather challenging words: “Will you just let me be a man”. I was so taken aback that I happily obliged and let him pay for my lunch with not much more than a meek “thank you” on my part.
You wouldn’t think someone buying me lunch would be a big deal but that incident has been going round and round in my head ever since. At what point should we stop trying to do things better than men and just let the men do them? If we are having a rough day and a man offers to buy us lunch, perhaps we should accept that he’s being nice rather than trying to prove we can look after ourselves. I think this is a trap that a lot of women fall into and it’s one that’s causing problems in relationships; the main problem being that most women are completely oblivious to the impact of their behaviour on their menfolk.
Men exist for a reason and women have been made different to men because we need both to make the world go round so why must we fight everything that differentiates us? Perhaps we should just accept that sometimes we have to let the men do their job and care for us; after all we know that women are really the ones in control so what harm can it do??? x