A few musings from last week…
As I sit sipping my coconut milk, caramel latte in a spacious New York hotel room located right by the World Trade Center, it’s hard not to count my blessings.
I believe that life is a roller-coaster of peaks and troughs and these can last for days, weeks or even years. Right now, mine’s on a peak and it has been for some time. I don’t know when I’ll fall off that peak or how far I’ll fall but while I’m up here, I’m sure going to enjoy the view.
So many of us find it difficult to realise what we have when we’re caught up in worrying about getting to places on time, earning more money, wearing the right clothes, etc. Actually what we need to do is appreciate what we have; for every one of us with the time and resource to read this blog, there’s someone else in the world who’s worried about the basics of survival, someone who doesn’t know where they will find clean water or food for their family.
Before my trip to New York, I was hugely anxious to the point that I was viewing it as a burden rather than perk of my job. All I was anxious about was that people wouldn’t perceive me the way I wanted them to. Sitting back for a second, I can’t believe myself and I can’t imagine how I reached that level of self indulgence. Who cares what they think of me!?! I am safe, I am well fed, I have money, family, love, respect – I have everything I need and so much more. Not to mention the happiness that comes with it these days.
So as I sit here and ponder whether or not I have the energy to head out and explore, I’m going to take one more deep breath and just remember that the small stuff really doesn’t matter, I am blessed.
Wishing you all many blessings of your own x
***It seems that I somehow messed up the scheduling so this didn’t post last Monday as it should have done. Sorry – here it is now!***
Well, the day is finally here and I am 30 years old. As from today, all of my 20somethingfreak followers will be re-directed to 30somethingdreamer.
I’m super excited to begin a new decade of blogging. I thought about giving it up but then I realised that would be the definition of insanity and what I should actually be doing is blogging more frequently, not giving it up. Duh!
I feel like I’m the same old me except that this time, I’m not so much blogging to fill a gap in my life but blogging just because I like to write and ramble on.
I’m in NY right now, likely having the time of my life. I’ll update you on everything when I’m back. In the meantime, have a super week and get those Christmas trees up 🙂 x
This weekend just gone, I was sat happily watching a film when something hit me like a tonne of bricks; I’m scared of change. Let me explain further…
I spent the first ~27 years of my life terrified that nothing would ever change, that I would always be miserable, that I would always want to wake up and be someone else or not bother waking up at all. Now, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t suicidal and I certainly didn’t present myself as somebody who was so blue to the outside world. In fact, many people thought I was a happy person during that time and for many milliseconds dispersed throughout each day, I was. The problem I had was that for every millisecond of happiness, I had another when I realised nothing had changed.
I could never live in the moment and I never appreciated all of the wonderful things about my life because at my very core, I was unhappy, I was discontent and I was very, very unsettled. The obvious solution to this problem would have been to change things, shake up my life until it suited my needs but I couldn’t because I didn’t know what needed to change and I was scared of making things worse. On and on this went, year after year until it just vanished without me even realising it.
This weekend, I was watching The Theory of Everything, the film about Stephen Hawking and because I was on my own, I allowed myself to feel the emotion of the film. (Usually this is a no go because I HATE crying in front of other people so I tend not to risk it.) As I was watching, I realised that the reason it was upsetting me was because I could empathise; for once I could feel the heart wrenching fear that something wonderful was about to change and it was out of everybody’s control. That was the moment. That was when I realised that I have the same fear; I am scared of significant change in my life which isn’t affected my me because I’m there. I’m bloody well happy with what I have, I’m content and I’m settled and it happened without me even noticing.
Somehow, somewhere, the discontent and the feeling of being unsettled just upped and left me. They’ve been replaced by much less aggressive feelings that just bubble away under the surface, giving me a reason to get up in the morning and a feeling of real happiness that keeps me grounded when things get tough. So, if you’re in that bleak place that I used to be, don’t give up, things can and will change, you just need to give it time. When you stop looking for the happiness, it will find you x
As 2014 draws to a close, I’ve taken some time out to reflect on what an awesome year this one has been. I couldn’t possibly describe all of the brilliant things that have happened so I’ve picked a few snapshots which sum up my year and popped them into a collage. For me, this year has been about new beginnings; I’ve been lucky enough to attend 4 weddings, get together with my amazing bf and spend a huge amount of time with friends and family. I have so much to celebrate and I can’t wait for 2015!
Here’s my year in pictures. I encourage everyone to try this as it made me smile so much thinking back over the memories associated with these pictures 🙂
2014 In Pictures
Have a wonderful new year, everyone! xxx
Every now and then a question pops into my head which is “What’s stopping me writing?”. I can’t place the exact day, time or place that blogging took a back seat in my life but it certainly seems to be the case right now.
There was a time a couple of years ago when all I wanted to do was write, blog, write and blog some more and I had absolutely loads to say. I had post ideas popping out of my head and I just could not keep up with the ideas as well as my daily life; all I knew was that life was getting in the way of my writing.
Fast-forward to now and I’m struggling even more to fit blogging into my life. I still read blogs, I still love the freedom of having this outlet at my fingertips but for some reason I’m just not using it. Not only am I not using it but I’m not missing it very much either. Every now and then, like today, I have a sudden urge to throw my ramblings at any poor, passing reader who will listen but most of the time, I’m pretty content not doing this.
So I come back to the question of “why?” and my only explanation is quite simply that I’m now happier with the life I’m living offline so I feel less of a desire to supplement it with a strong online life. A couple of years ago, I wanted to be everything, I needed to feel like I was achieving things because I couldn’t find anything that made me happy. Now, I’m largely content so while I have big blogging ideas, I end up shelving them in favour of spending more time enjoying the moment, rather than capturing it in text.
Has anyone else had a similar thing happen to them?
I’m so sorry for my incredible tardiness in writing this post but there has just been absolutely loads going on! Since I last posted, (just over a month ago) I’ve done the following:
- Worked in Barcelona for a week for Events work experience with a very well-respected global company
- Had some epic red streaks popped into my hair
- Been to Reykjavik for a long weekend with my sister
- Had several job interviews, been offered, accepted and started in a new job
- Turned 28 (!!!)
- Put my Xmas decs up, completed most of my Crimbo shopping
- Viewed numerous flats and houses and signed up to move with one of my best mates at the end of January
So you can see it’s all go in my world, lots of things are changing and obviously I’ve been working Monday to Friday and living my “normal” life in amongst these things too. I will catch up with my product reviews, etc. soon, but first I wanted to focus on the fact that I have now reached what I have always called my “scary age” which is 28. Yes, I am 28. When I write it, it doesn’t seem quite possible that I could be that age. 28 is a grown up age, 28 is when people do or have done things like getting married and having babies; 28 is plain old SCARY!
Except it’s not. I’ve reached it and I’m not scared, I’m actually more excited about the future than I have been for quite some time. I finally have a job that I’m genuinely excited about, I’m not faking it this time and that’s because I chose this job myself. I did consult others on my decision but I didn’t feel obliged to take anything that I didn’t think would be perfect for me. I’ve also got the big move-in with a friend to look forward to which is fantastic 🙂 Mainly though, I just feel content. I’ve had over a year of not being in a serious relationship so I’ve had enough time to finally work on myself, shed some of those issues that have held me back and work out what makes me happy and how I want to live my life. There are no babies and there is no boyfriend, never mind a marriage; those aren’t things I’ve ever really wanted so why would I have them by now!?!
I’ve discovered a scary age is only scary if you think you have to achieve goals that aren’t yours by the time you get there. I still have no desire to have a baby, I don’t own a house and quite frankly I don’t care. I’m working on reaching the house goal but before I started that, I worked on reaching the happiness goal and now I’ve finally succeeded in that, I’m not going to jeopardise that by trying to follow the crowd. So here I am at my scary age, definitely approaching 30 now and I can’t wait to see what the next few years have in store. Bring on the fun! x
I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this but most of the people in the Western world seem to go about their lives in an almost perpetual state of misery. We have machines and gadgets galore to make our lives easier, most of us have more than enough money to live comfortably and yet we are unhappy. Take a trip to less developed parts of the world and you find people growing their own food and living in shacks who are far happier and healthier than we could even imagine being.
It was actually my parents’ dog who got me thinking about this. Whilst on a long walk with my dad and said dog, I couldn’t help but wonder how it is that the dog is so happy yet I am from the same family and spend most of my time feeling so unhappy. Then it hit me, it really is about appreciating the simple things. The dog is happy because he is loved, fed, walked and gets lots of attention; he doesn’t care when his fur gets muddy as he splashes through a puddle, because it’s fun. He also doesn’t care whether my parents live in a cardboard box or a mansion, so long as they take him along for the ride. So why do I care?
I know a lot of it is about social conditioning but really, I’m an intelligent girl, I should be able to make my own decisions about what makes me happy! I’m not going to lie, new clothes and make-up do make me superficially happy and will continue to do so but I’m talking about what’s at the core. I don’t have to work any particular job just because I “should” and I don’t have to strive for an expensive car if all I want to do is travel the world. Essentially, I think that most of the Western world are unhappy because we have so much choice, we don’t know how to choose so we just do what we think other people expect us to do. What we need is to appreciate the simple things that keep us running day to day and start making decisions that make us happy to build up the layer above that.
- Yes, I really am this cute and happy all the time!
So here’s what I propose I do…I’m going to make a list, (my bf is happy all the time and lives by lists) and really work out which of the decisions I currently live by are making me happy and which are decisions I made “just because”. Then I’m going to work out what I can do to fix those in the latter category and spend the remainder of 2012 working towards making those changes. By the end of this year, I am to be one happy soul. I’ll let you know what I come up with and if you fancy joining me, I’d love to hear what you come up with 🙂 x
From what I have learned of the world since I graduated 3.5 years ago, most people seem to exist with a permanent question mark over their heads. Do I get a job that pays me really well which I might not like or do I get one I know I will like but which will never earn me great money?
Most people don’t know the answer so they choose one side of the fence and then continually wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. Don’t get me wrong though, there are a lucky few who get it just right (my sister is one) and they do something they enjoy which actually has pretty good earning potential as well. Some of us however, veer way off course and end up in a job which we only partially enjoy and which pays ok…total indecisive middle ground! This is me!
To my mind, the middle ground is the safe bet, the place you go when you are too scared to leap over the fence so you sit on it. But, my question is, how do you know which way to leap? Will you really be happier if you constantly have no money but do a job you enjoy or will you actually be happier if you dislike your work but earn loads so therefore do everything you could ever dream of outside of work?
I’m not sure I will ever find the answer to this question but I sure would like to. I guess at some point I’m just going to have to take a leap of faith one way or the other. What do you guys think and which side of the fence do you sit on?