It’s been a while since I really dipped my toe into the ocean that is dating and the main reason for that is simply that I’ve been busy with other things. Those other things have calmed down now though and I’ve reached the point where it would be nice to meet some hot, young men. I thought I’d pop out of my shell, meet some new guys and hopefully go on some fun dates; I haven’t even reached date stage and I’ve climbed back into my shell!
What has happened to the world!?! While I’ve been busy sorting out other areas of my life, it would seem that men have become more desperate, emotional and needy than ever. Obviously there’s the usual selection of bore-me-to-death chaps out there who I can barely sustain a 2 message conversation with…and they’re reassuringly constant. However there are also stacks and stacks of guys who want me to think about them every second of every day, message them constantly and fall in love with them before we’ve even met. WHERE HAVE THESE WEIRDOS COME FROM???
Take my latest example, this guy and I had messaged a few times and arranged a date for Friday. On Monday night he sent me a message which, to my mind, ended our conversation for the evening as it contained no questions, no obvious lead for further conversation and we’d been chatting a while. Midway through Tuesday I receive a message telling me I don’t say a lot. I replied, slightly confused and asked to what he was referring. I was told he had expected a reply last night or at least a “hello” this morning. From that point the conversation went roughly down the path of me saying that I was at work, didn’t have time to start a conversation and couldn’t see the point in saying something just for the heck of it. I was told I was arrogant, it’s clear why I’m single and I have no idea about basic human interaction. I’ve now blocked that needy weirdo from my WhatsApp because I got bored halfway through the argument which went round in circles.
The way I see it is, essentially, a guy I’ve never met expected me to message him in the morning just so he’d know I was thinking of him.
I wasn’t thinking of him.
I wouldn’t have thought of him until Thursday night when I realised I needed to wash something to wear on Friday night. I thought this was normal before a first date, I thought the crazy stalker-ville only kicked in once you’d had a chance to get to know someone well enough to miss them…apparently I thought wrong.
So between him and the snore-a-minute guys that I keep having the misfortune of finding, I’m pretty much done with that foray into the dating world. I’m not fussed whether I have a boyfriend or not, I just thought I might be missing out on some fun. It appears that is not the case so I’m backing up into my shell of singledom again and hoping that next time I pop out there will be some men who are bit more level-headed and at least meet me before they get obsessive and weird. The only sure thing here is that I’m now terrified that I’ve fallen into the pool of crazy undateables and I’ll never get out! x
The whole “don’t judge a book by its cover” thing is always a tough one as we seem to have a natural tendency to do just that. I think it’s partly human nature and partly the way we are bred. When we are children our parents tell us not to talk to strangers in case they are the bad kind of person that will hurt us. How do we determine strangers? Oh yes, based on what they look like; if we don’t recognise them, we should treat them as the enemy. It’s no wonder that we find it hard to shake that approach when we get into adulthood.
Even so, as adults most of us try and overcome our fear of the unknown and at least pretend that we aren’t judging people based on their appearance…except in the workplace. At work it seems to be totally acceptable to judge people based on their appearance. How often do people go for job interviews where the interviewer takes one look at them and decides they haven’t got the job before they’ve even had a chance to speak? We have all sorts of laws in place to protect people from this but I’m not talking about people who are disfigured or disabled in some way, I’m talking about people who just look different to what the boss expected. The girl with the green hair, the guy with the ponytail or even the guy wearing a pink shirt instead of a white shirt. These are the people who dared to be different yet are paying the price, sometimes unknowingly and it seems to be a completely acceptable part of our culture.
Does it really matter if the man who stands in front of you presenting a fantastic business case, dressed immaculately, speaking very articulately has a nose piercing? I would say not. I’d say I’d listen to him more because he looked more individual than some people. I’d also say that he immediately outshines the person who comes in with the average-to-badly-fitting suit without the nose piercing because he’s taken more pride in his appearance, put more thought into how he will be received. But the nose piercing? An extra hole in his nose…it’s getting in the way because that tiny hoop or stud is blocking a lot of people’s view of his talents.
Nowhere does the fear of the unknown seem so great than in the world of business, in this crazy corporate land where people are supposed to conform to some outdated set of ideals. We’ve ended up with 2 camps: the cool kids working for the tech start-ups and media firms who are forced to be more expressive than they feel comfortable with and the old-skool crew working in banking and suchlike who are supposed to speak with a plum in their mouth and wear ultra-shiny shoes. If you don’t fit the mould, you aren’t coming in. Your work ethic and your mindset are completely irrelevant if you don’t look the part because most employers are too scared to shake the tree. They’re too worried that their customers might run away if they employ someone who looks different.
Here’s a novel idea, how about people just employ those who can do the job well? Why don’t we give this engine a jump start, provide exemplary service and learn to deal with those who look different in work as well as outside of work. Surely anyone in their right mind would rather do business with somebody competent who looks a little different than an incompetent oaf with a side parting, black suit and white shirt!?!