Hello and sorry for reminding you that you are old enough to remember singing along to the Spice Girls’ 2 Become 1 song! However, I think it brings me nicely to today’s topic…at what point should you sleep with someone for the first time?
Obviously I’m not talking about 1 night stands or people you are only interested in physically because I’m pretty sure the answer in those instances is that you should sleep with them as soon as possible. Why wait??? What I’m talking about is the people you meet who you think might turn into long term or forever types. I’ve not really ever given it much thought before but two people have mentioned it to me in the last week. One was somebody at the beginning of a relationship who was waiting in the hope things turned out better than previous relationships did. The other was a fellow single gal who said: “Apparently it totally changes the dynamic if you wait”. It was this that really got me wondering about “the right time”.
Those of you who know me personally will know that I have a very “male” attitude to sex in that I really believe if you both want it, you should just get the heck on with doing it! I don’t believe in waiting until the third date, nor do I think it’s slutty to sleep with a stranger / have a f*** buddy and I’m all for sleeping with somebody just because they are hot, you want to and it would be an achievement to get that notch on your bedpost. Before the world writes me off as terrible GF material, I should also point out that I also believe the best sex happens with people you know well and care about and if you say you’ll only sleep with one person, you should keep your word.
So, back to my original point, I haven’t ever tried the waiting game at the beginning of a relationship. In fact I’ve always believed it to be a good sign if you pretty much spend all of your time naked at the beginning and I place a lot of importance on sparks in the bedroom. Bad sex = bad relationship in my book. What puzzles me is quite how you build up any form of intimacy with someone if you aren’t getting naked with them. It’s not just sex that happens when you spend all that naked time together, you start to break down barriers and be a bit more open with the other person. In the chats between sessions you find out things about them, in the food breaks you find out what they like to eat…you get the drift. Personally I’ve never felt that comfortable sitting in a restaurant or a park or the cinema having an intimate conversation of any kind. Equally, don’t expect me to snuggle up on the sofa if I haven’t seen you naked, that just feels plain weird. (For 99% of the population, don’t expect me to snuggle up full stop. I’m nearly 28 and have only found 1 person I like to snuggle so far.)
Back to the waiting thig then, what are the bonuses of waiting? I’m racking my brain but I just can’t think of anything, however this may well be because I haven’t tried it. With my lack of will power it’s likely to be a man I’m not interested in that I try this on so I still don’t think I’ll have the answer! People who do the waiting thing, please enlighten me. I genuinely want to understand more about the mentality behind this and I’d also like to know what happens when you do wait, you start falling for someone and then you discover you’re totally incompatible in the bedroom. Don’t pretend like everything can be worked out, we all know some people just don’t do it for us! Talk to me, people! x
3 thoughts on “When Should 2 Become 1?”
Way to go. Why keep a poor guy standing at attention unless you intend to reward him..
waiting just proves to the other person that you are interested in more than just a shag, and that you can be trusted to keep your knickers up whilst you may be randy as hell.
But I think if you have never tried it you can’t really say anything more about it until you go and get some experience of what it’s like to do, and how the other person reacts.
Good article though I rarely if ever agree with you lol
Do you not think that the trust should be there without the abstinence? I can’t see how that proves anything other than one’s ability to say no to one person.