I’m sure you’ve all heard the old sayings that “It’s easier to find a job when you have a job” or “They’re like buses, they all come at once”. In my experience, this second one is often referenced when talking about dates or potential love interests. So, if you have something, is it genuinely easier to find a replacement than it is to find something starting from zero?
Let’s look at this with jobs. People are forever saying that it’s easier to find a new job if you’re already employed but logically that makes no sense. Logically, you have more time to search, more time to attend interviews and more availability to start if you are unemployed. All of those things should make it easier to find a job, (assuming you are not a work-shy bum) than if you were tied to a desk all day. So perhaps it’s the subtleties of our behaviour or our subconscious that’s really at work here (pardon the pun). Maybe when we are desperately hunting for something, we are exactly that: desperate. Desperation just isn’t appealing. As humans, we want to associate with the successful and those we regard as being in an equal or better situation than ourselves. Despite the fact that we most need the help of others in times of desperation, we each of us look upon that state as something to run from.
“He seems a bit desperate for the job.”
“I wonder why nobody else wants him?”
“Probably a bit weird. Did you see that he had 1 hair out of place?”
“I know, who comes to an interview like that. I think definite no.”
Recognise that sentiment? Perhaps he seems desperate because he was made redundant from his old job and has a wife and kids to support at home. Maybe he even has an ex-wife and more kids he’s still paying for. He needs the job. He’ll work hard. But no, he seemed desperate so he must be weird.
How about relationships? Ever noticed that the nights you go out “on the pull”, you rarely pull but the nights you just end up having a few too many after work you seem to be irresistible? It’s the same thing, the desperation factor. The trick seems to be in acting like you don’t care…not so much that you are obvious about it, just enough that you look like you chose to be in that bar at that time with those people, but you had 6 other offers, 5 of which were dates. You just decided you couldn’t be bothered with them – too desperate.
In this crazy world we live in, we expect people to be passionate and prove that they really want something before they have a chance of getting it. Yet at the same time, people who bring their emotional state to the table in that passion are considered desperate and we therefore discount them. Desperation breeds some of the most creative ideas ever sometimes but still we regard desperation as something to avoid. Why give the prize to the person who obviously craves it when we can give it to someone who may or may not want it, thus creating ourselves a little challenge?
So, you don’t need one to get one, whatever your “one” may be but you need to act like you’ll be rather nonplussed if you do get one. That way, people will leap upon the challenge of making you like it / them and you’ll be inundated with offers. It may seem like a mad way of working but you’re just going to have to hop on and enjoy the ride!!! x