Is it ever okay to cheat on someone? Being the single girl that I am, I’ve been approached by several guys in the last few months who have been looking for discreet fun with someone who is not an escort, just someone to fill the gap that their wife is leaving by not sleeping with them. Before you start wondering where I spend my spare time, it’s quite a common thing that happens to ladies on dating sites and I’m sure it must happen the other way round too.
What I can’t get my head around is whether it’s OK though. Part of me says that it’s absolutely wrong to cheat and relationships or marriages should be 100% honest but then when are we ever 100% honest? Usually there’s something we keep back, it’s just that in my experience, the something that’s kept back is usually something that is personal rather than something that would hurt the other person if they knew. On that basis though, if you need something they can’t give you, is it better to tell them and hurt them, (potentially end the relationship) or is it better to seek it elsewhere and keep schtum?
It’s a blurry line and I genuinely don’t know where I stand. Would I want someone to cheat on me? No. Would I want to be told that someone loves me with all their heart but needs something I’ve stopped giving them? No. So what’s the answer? Is it lying? It doesn’t feel right to suggest that lying is the answer but then none of the options seem to sit quite right and it’s the sort of situation that needs a resolution. We’d all like to say that if our partner had an issue like this, we could talk it over and find a compromise but I’m not sure we could. When things hurt we get feisty and irrational and lose the ability to compromise, or we withdraw entirely and bury our heads in the sand so talking about it really would be quite some way away from reaching a resolution.
And none of what I’ve just said takes into account the “other” person. What should they do? Should they accept that they are single therefore it’s OK or should they think that they’d hate there to be a third party in any of their future relationships and keep out? If it’s purely physical, is it OK because there’s no emotional bond being broken or is the emotional bond so intertwined with trust that really it’s being shredded into a million pieces with every encounter? How do you know what effect you are having on the partner that you don’t see? Maybe they are doing it too…
What’s the etiquette in this situation?
I’ve not said yes to any of these men but mainly because I’m not really looking for that sort of thing; if I was then I don’t know what I would do because I simply cannot work out where I stand morally. Is right and wrong unique to the individual or should we be complying with some universal rules?
Has anyone out there got any answers or been in this situation? x
30 Something Dreamer 
It is absolutely lowering yourself to sleep with these men. Tell them to man up and leave the wife first. Why start a relationship -even friends with benefits – with a lie. Your body is a temple, don’t let them use you in this way.
Thank you for the comment 🙂
Is it lowering yourself if you both just want the same thing? I’m just playing devil’s advocate here, I’m really not sure what the answer is!
It is lowering yourself to aid him in deceiving his partner. How will you know when he decides to deceive you?
But how can they deceive you if you’re not in any sort of a relationship?
> Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2013 19:08:24 +0000 > To: samantha_bessant@hotmail.co.uk >
Sex is a relationship.
Is it??? If it is, surely it’s possible to set the rules of that “relationship” that it doesn’t extend beyond the bedroom?
> Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2013 19:19:40 +0000 > To: samantha_bessant@hotmail.co.uk >
Sure, if you are willing to accept a “relationship” with a lying, sack of shit. Listen, there are tons of places/ways to get fucked. Why enter into a “relationship” with a coward who can’t negotiate an open relationship with his spouse or leave and live the single life.
It’s a minefield, stay out. The potential for damage is huge, both to yourself and others. And to your mental self if you find out you helped cause distress.
Jim