Starting Over…Again

The concept of starting afresh is a strange one, it’s something that fills some people with an unrivalled optimism and others with pure dread. Unfortunately for those of us in the second category, it seems inevitable that most people with have to start over again at something during the course of their lifetime. For me, the thing I seem to have to keep starting over at is my career.

To put this in context, I’m a graduate (2008) and a really driven person with a strong desire to learn and achieve highly, not ┬ásomeone who wants a “job”, someone who wants a career. However, I’ve only be working for 3.5 years since I left uni and yet I am now on job number 3 and at the bottom of the pile again. This is not because I am incredibly indecisive or lack direction – both are partially true, but actually this is a result of the recession / economic downturn / money related thing that most people don’t really understand. I’ve had 1 redundancy and 1 job I left just prior to redundancy – what rubbish luck for a grad!

So how have I dealt with this? The first time, I left out of choice and although I took a step back in terms of responsibility and money, I took a step forward in terms of potential and networking. The networking paid dividends in helping me find a new job this time round (phew!). This time though, I was forced out like a newborn into the world of the unknown. I am now no longer a fairly big fish in a small pond but instead a tadpole in a massive lake and it’s tough. I’m only on day 4 but I’m missing my creature comforts, the trust I had built up in my previous organisation, the challenges I faced daily. Today I am filing, as per the last 2 days. 3.5 years of work and I am filing all day, something doesn’t feel right.

The big bonus is that I am now working for a much larger organisation so my potential is much bigger than ever before. Somehow though, that won’t stick in my mind, what sticks is that I am filing and nobody knows what I can really do. Why is that? Why is uncontrolled change so hard to stomach and how can I beat the feeling?

What’s come alongside this is that the other things which stress me out seem even bigger and I’ve got a stress head like you wouldn’t believe! How do other people manage this? It’s bizarre that logically my brain says one thing and then backflips and makes me stress about the exact same thing seen from another angle…argh!!!

So who’s done it? Who has started over at anything and loved, even when it was forced upon them? If you have, please let me know how you keep on the logical path and don’t end up on my crazy rocky road, this is too much for my poor little mind!